What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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