Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize