There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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