My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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