You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
