you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
