Whod you bang
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
