i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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