I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
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