he puts the penis in happiness.
she peed on how many people?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
