Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
is wine microwaveable?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
