I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
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