Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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