And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
