p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
