i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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