We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize