who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
