i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
