i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
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