I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
