if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
