I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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