just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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