If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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