How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
