so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
