You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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