overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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