I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
