Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
