He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
