Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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