thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
