planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize