first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
