I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
