My liver just broke up with me...
and she was petting her beer can
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
