Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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