Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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