You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
