Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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