Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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