I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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