Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
