I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
