I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
this will be a night to untag.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
