C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
