Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
