I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Randomize
