everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
