I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
