If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
My vagina is officially offended.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
