you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
