Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
