All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I don't deserve a penis
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
