Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
