I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize