so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
