You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
