Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
