I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
