my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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