I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
