we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
