Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
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