Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Randomize
