i was rollin on her like bob the builder
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
