community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
