Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
