Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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