He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
