We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
