remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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