Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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