Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
