Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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