Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
