you're like a bully in the Christmas story
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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