Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
